Freeform's Collection of Bits
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
What do I want?
Had dinner with a friend. In conversation we were discussing various things, and my (probably chief) failing was mentioned. I live in the past too much.

I realize this, and have known this for the past year or so. But I got to wondering about exactly when I started thinking more about my life that was, than my life that is.

It's not like I don't have lots of things to be happy for. I have my own company that is doing well, I have a son, who is healthy, a beautiful wife, who is now a doctor (of Psychology). Overall a bright, near term, future.

Which lead me to start thinking about what I keep yearning for in my past. The only conclusion I can reach is that I miss the financial stability of my old job at UBS/PainWebber. Which, I ironically left because I wasn't happy with the corporate structure and general corporate BS (present at all companies who employ more than 1 person). That corporate stuff is the same thing that provided the financial stability that I now want.

Go figure.
I don't know if I'd call it a chief failing. Everyone does it. I do it all the time. Like I said last night, I think about how easy I had it when I was in college, and how I got to think about things that interested me rather than what someone told me to think about. I dwell a little too much on that period of my life and do the same thing most people do; ignore the good things I have now. Great paying job, new car, money to go out and have fun, friends, etc.

It's easy to do, but important to keep in check. It doesn't hurt to try to improve what you already have though. It is just easier to stagnate, or look back beccause you already know what that is like. Changing things for the future can be scary since you don't know what to expect. I like thinking about things like that and analyzing and discussing them with friends. Brought it up last night in an attempt to be encouraging. I hope it was.
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